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“When Carrie brought your car round that Saturday morning, you had invited her for lunch. You wanted the loo afterwards, Carrie, and excused yourself. At first, it didn’t strike me but you didn’t ask for directions. Then I realized that you had been here before, without my knowing. By itself, it meant nothing. But then you described your forty minute journey with all traffic lights on green. I tracked your phone on my iPad, Eamon. After only twenty minutes you stopped. Your car remained where it was for just over an hour, then you drove back in nineteen minutes. That’s still not conclusive.“A week later I sent you off for some compost. Ten minutes down the Critchley Road there’s a big garden centre, but I sowed the seeds of B&Q in your mind. The route there goes close to Carrie’s house and you took advantage of another illicit hour. When you set off back without going to B&Q I soon realized that Carrie must have gone and picked up the compost for you. Well done, whichever of you. That guy blushed a little, kneeled down in front of me and fiddled with some equipment on the floor as I told them how I fed him aspirins and did my best to keep him warm. The fellow writing told me Doug was stabilized now but they were taking him to the Special Care unit to have some more tests done. When I thanked them for saving my husband, the younger fellow smiled and said, "The pleasure's been all ours." The first paramedic whacked him and now they both blushed as they packed their gear. For the first time since they'd arrived, I looked down and saw that my right breast was almost completely out of my bodice! I buttoned up quickly and then realized my skirts were hiked up my thighs and my legs were spread wide apart! I finally realized that they'd undoubtedly seen all the way up to China. Then I remembered that “China” had no underwear on, was shaved bald as a baby's bottom and was brandishing that shiny gold clit ring! The paramedics collapsed their gurney, lifted.
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